My mother, recently told me that she doesn’t find my blog entries funny. They distress her – she hates to see her daughter going through so much suffering and tribulation. My father chimed in that I should look into immigrating to Israel, because there, all women find husbands. Even a friend of a friend of theirs found a husband, and she is 76 years old. A few others, fearing for my mental health, have written in with words of encouragement, and welcome (yes, welcome) words of advice. So before I get shipped off to Israel to find a senior citizen who will have me, let me tell you that while dating has its perils, and I would much rather be in a fulfilling relationship, truth be told, I can’t help but see the “funny” in dating in middle age, and really, dating has it’s upside.
Dating is good for the ego and keeps me feeling feminine. Sort of like Summer’s Eve douche; some of the side effects aside, I feel all flowery. When I go out on a date, I get dolled up in heels, a dress, panty hose and Spanx. It forces me to stay out of sweatpants and putting my greasy hair up in a bun. I am motivated to keep myself up with mani pedis, retouching my hair color, and wearing decent underwear. Ethan, with his long locks and well sculpted facial hair, used to gush that he loves that I am always well put together, well dressed, and my hair made up (those of you who know me, please stop laughing!)
Men pursue me online, and even if they are not all winners, it is nice to be wanted and wooed. It’s fun to strut my stuff and feel that I still have my groove. After working full-time as a serious manager looking out for the interests of the world, or cleaning up the vomit of a sick child at night, it is pleasantto walk into a restaurant and see a male gaze of longing, attraction and interest.
Dating is often full of fun and adventure with all of it’s highs and lows, going out to something new every weekend, and sometimes with someone new. That same Ethan used to take me to the theater, from ballet to opera. Eric and I went to saucy performances that sometimes left us scratching our heads or running out of the theater in disgust. Eric and I also took dance lessons together and once he learned how twirl me, he would excitedly spin me over and over until I begged him to stop for fear of throwing up all over him.
One of the best part of dating has been meeting new people, and thanks to them experiencing and learning new things. A woman close to me, Eleonora, picked up each current boyfriend’s hobby, and as he became an ex she would surpass him and became an expert. Thus, she became a top-notch portfolio manager, and a sommelier. I was defenseless against Elliott, an older self-defense instructor, who opened me to early 70s music, like Warren Zevon’s “Lawyers, Guns, and Money”. Elliott, a cool jazz affecionado, turned me on in many ways, but jazz was just not one of them. I did learn from him about the black experience in America, as well as some great slang that as a white person it’s not appropriate for me to use. Oh, and Ethan, like me loved comedy and preferred to spend most of our time in bed introducing me to cross dressing intelligent comedians like Eddy Izzard and foul mouthed Lisa Lampanelli.
The best part of this journey has been learning about myself, what I want in a man, in a relationship, and what is IT about men. Like a buffet in an ethnic restaurant; you don’t know what you like until you try it. Every date brings me new insights into myself, and slowly a growing understanding of men. Even horrible dates with championship jerks are a lesson in what I don’t want and how to avoid it.
Finally, to my female friends who have given up on dating… You tell me that you are too fat, too old, too busy, the kids, too broke, etc. I have you beat on almost every category and you know it! There is no one fatter, busier, has more children, or more broke than me. Go forth and date! You will be worthy competitors, and even better as travelling companions on this path.